Walking in the Rain
by TheObsidianPhoenix
Summary: A angsty piece,hotohori centric, about his thoughts the night before he chose his queen. Updated and reposted.


Disclaimer:I don't own anything here. The characters are the property of Yuu Watase and the song belongs to A1. So don't sue me. Now all that's done, here goes...

Walking In The Rain.

Dusk was falling. In the Imperial Palace, in a room facing the west, a slender figure sat alone by the long windows. He was Hotohori, King of Konan.

_Sitting by the window,_

_singing songs alone,_

Playing the lute idly, he reminicised of the events of the past several weeks, how this otherworld stranger, this Miaka had captured his heart so quickly and completely, only to watch her as she fell in love with another. And not only fall in love, but as time went on, his chances with her diminished and he could only helplessly witness the forging of an unbreakable, unbreachable bond between them.

_Wishing you were here because, _

_your mem'ry's not enough..._

Singing his favourite love song softly, he felt tears sting the inside of his eyes. Suddenly, he heard the soft, unobtrusive footsteps of a server approach. Forcing his grief and tears down, deep within him, where he kept it hidden, unacknowledged and unreleased, he schooled his face, easily through long practice, to his regular, royal 'mask'.

_Now I wear my mask in silence,_

_pretending I'm alright,_

The servitor left quietly, having delivered the usual evening cup of tea .Taking a sip, Hotohori turned once more to his lute ,thinking once more of Miaka and Tamahome, and the death of his dreams of a queen.

_If you could see, then would be, standing by my side_.

'No, impossible' he said softly to himself, 'she is too much in love with him, and he with her. They are meant to be together'.

_It may be hard, to believe,_

_but girl, you are the only one I need,_

_it may be hard, along the way,_

_this feeling I get when blue skies turn to gray.  
_  
Thinking of the last final time he begged her to let him say 'I love you' to her, and his final realization that the only one he could ever love had promised herself to another, he felt a fresh wave of grief rise up to choke him. It was only with difficulty that he clamped it down. It always happened nowadays, especially when he was not actively thinking of something else.

_Feels like I'm walking in the rain,_

_I find myself, trying to wash away the pain, _

'_Cos I need you to, give me some shelter,_

' _Cos I'm fading away, _

_And baby, I'm walking in the rain.  
_  
He had finally come to accept her love for Tamahome over several days, even though he loved her, impossibly deeply, tenderly. 'To dream the impossible dream. What an idiot I am.' He muttered ironically. It was a good thing not all his decisions as king had to be as difficult. It was only this, the one closest to his heart that had to be the hardest.

_Every single hour, of every single day,_

_I need to cry my eyes so dry;_

_I've cried my tears away_.

Selfishly, he started thinking of the 'what if's' ; if she had never met Tamahome, would she love him then? It almost seemed that she did, that morning she came to, after he had saved her life, the night before. But, he could not change the past. If she had married him, she would be a queen, yes, but an unhappy queen, forever yearning for what he could not give. It was better that she be happy.This was unknown to her, his last, gift. His happiness, for hers.

_Can't help but remember,_

_How you made me feel,_

_Caressed my soul, _

_Made me whole, _

_Made my life complete.  
_  
He could have told her that Tamahome had gone to the dark side, and had his generals kill him, but he could not deceive her like that, it was impossible he could not kill a friend, even if it was in single combat, his conscience would not allow it. He had cast his lot. His own selfish happiness would have come at a cost of a life, his friend, Tamahome. But, on the other hand, their happiness would come at the cost of his. He had chosen, that second when he stepped up to challenge a hypnotized Tamahome, for he could not have lived with the blood of his friend and a lie between him and the one he loved more than anything. That was something that he could not do.

_It may be hard, to believe, _

_But girl you're the only one I need,_

_It may be hard, along the way, _

_This feeling that I get when blue skies turn to grey. _

_Feels like I'm walking in the rain,_

_I find myself, trying to wash away the pain,_

'_Cos I need you to, give me some shelter,_

'_Cos I'm fading away_,

_And baby, I'm walking in the rain_.

Feeling warm sun fall on his face, he turned toward the window, watching the warm light of the setting sun fall over his city, the one he had ruled since he was a teenager, and the city he loved. The city he loved enough to give up his happiness to rule, and not to give up something he had been born to, the responsibility hat he had been born and raised to assume.

_Of all we've said and done, remains the memory, of days when life was fun._

Miaka, if only she was here, beside him, to share the beauty of a sunset, not only this, but many more to come, for years to come, to share his life, his ups and downs, the cares, and ultimately that high of satisfaction that comes with ruling. He wanted to show her all that, to share it with her. But the choice was made, that dark and anguished night, when the die was cast and a path was chosen, for better or for worse. Even though his was the kind of loss, this never ending ache of grief, this heart wrenching decision that only comes once in a lifetime, but stays to haunt the soul forever.

_But now that you are gone I sit alone to watch the setting of the sun_.

With a sigh, he finished the last of his now cold tea, and left the room, moving slowly toward his room.

...Several hours later...

Later that night, he woke with a start, his head pounding. He had been dreaming of her again, her voice, her laughter had been haunting his dreams yet again. It was raining. He lay in bed listening to the patter of the raindrops on the leaves of the trees just outside his window. On an impulse, he swung out of bed and went through the sliding doors into the courtyard just outside his room.

_Feels like I'm walking in the rain_,

It was windy as well as raining. As he paced through the courtyard, his robes billowing in the wind around his slender body, and making his long hair flow around him like a cloud; he turned his face to the sky, feeling the soft raindrops caress his face, giving him the caress that he longed for but could not have, letting the rain purify his soul, washing away his misery and loneliness.

_I find myself, trying to wash away the pain,_

Finally, the rain released something in him, and he finally, after so long, he wept, falling to his knees on the paving stones, burying his face in his hands, weeping for all those times he could not or would not weep, the deaths of his parents, and so many other things that he had kept inside, right up to Miaka's rejection of him for another, letting the rain wash away his tears.

'_Cos I need you to give me some shelter, _

'_Cos I'm fading away,_

Finally, he looked up, cleansed within, freed of all guilt and misery. Tomorrow, he decided, he would choose a queen, even though, for the rest of his life, every time he would see her with shadowed eyes, wanting her to turn into Miaka, every night pretending his bride was her, he had to, this time, not for him, but his country.

'_Cos baby, I'm walking in the rain_.

The words of his Prime Minister came back to him, clear as he heard the rain, '...you need a bride and an heir, if not for love, then for the country, for Konan. It needs an heir, someone to assure the people that the succession and the Royal Family is secure, for all the people who revere you as king, as they revered your father.' Standing, he walked slowly back to the palace, his body and head erect. He would make the announcement in the morning. This was just like all the other decisions that he had had to make. The decision and the outcome, were not for himself, as a person, but for Hotohori, the Emperor of Konan.

_I said baby, I'm walking in the rain_.

The last wisps of cloud cleared across the sky to allow the first soft rays of the morning sun to light the eastern sky.


End file.
